You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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