I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
