I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
