You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
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As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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