How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
