I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
