It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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