Non-Jews are for practice
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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