i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
