I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
