i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
