Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
