After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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