My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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