Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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