My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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