Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
