I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
