So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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