i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
