i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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