is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
