i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
