If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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