He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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