when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
