Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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