somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
MIDGETS
????
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
