Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
