it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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