I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
