so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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