Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
