I hate all girls vehemently.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
