Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm really busy with my period
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