i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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