How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
