Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
