i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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