no, he came in my armpit
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
