He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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