He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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