on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
