As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
