do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just pynch a tree in the face
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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