Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
