come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The adults are the big ones right?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
