I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize