No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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