Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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