nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
