dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Small penises have feelings too.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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