just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Im part way to drunk.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
