My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
