chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
