hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
