if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
