you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
