somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
