In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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