I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Is it because I queefed?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
