Someone shit on the floor
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
