I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
