Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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