I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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