I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
