addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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