saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
