The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
