if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm always down for nudity.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
