You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
