Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
