the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
